lazy day café

what i've been up tp...

2007-03-10T09:33:00.000-08:00

1) work - i was promoted to manager at biba's in gainesville in october of last year; in mid-january of this year i transferred to the two-week-opened biba's in braselton. the transfer gave me a few bucks more as well as a few hours more each week. that accounts for most of the past few months time.
2) dating - courtney cunningham, actually. she's beautiful and funny and we share a lot of common interests: theatre, movies, religion and the masochistic life of restaurants.
3) theatre - she and i have seen "twelve angry men" and "spam-a-lot" at the fox and "romeo and juliet" at the shakespeare tavern.
4) movies - the best of the past year: "the departed," "the prestige," "pan's labryinth," "hannibal rising" and "300".
5) reading - "the silence of the lambs," "red dragon," "amsterdam," "survivor" and "invisible monsters."
6) poker - every tuesday night at my place.

yep, that's about all i've done since early november. it's a pretty boring life but i enjoy it.

a book to read

2006-11-21T10:45:00.000-08:00

"survivor" by chuck palahniuk. great book. i usually wait until i finish reading a book to write a review but this one i think deserves to be read by many. for those who don't know, palahniuk wrote the novel "fight club" on which the movie is based. it was his first novel and since then he's published many more but none received the critical acclaim of his premiere work. "survivor" is about the last few living remnants of a puritanistic cult that eventually commits mass suicide. as the thousands of missionaries around the country find out about the 'deliverance' they follow suit and off themselves. ten years later, though, there are a few who never went through with suicide but also never learned todeal with life outside the commune. like "fight club," it's written in first person narrative as the protaganist recounts the recent events in his life just before what appears to be his own imminent destruction. (i'm can't say for sure because i haven't finished reading it yet.)

a song for death

2006-11-15T21:53:00.000-08:00

i stopped by a coffee shop today to do tenjoy hot coffee during the afternoon showers. i read for about an hour -- chuck palahniuk's "survivor" -- and stopped outside under the awning to smoke a cigarette before walking to my car. as i sat smoking at a table in the corner out of the rain, an employee came out with cigarette and lighter in hand. she said hello and after asking to share my corner to stay out of the rain sat at the next table. "wow," she said.
intrigued, i responded, "wow, what?"
"this is some pretty serious music they're playing," she said.
i had to concentrate to hear a classical song that i hadn't even heard over the sound of the pelting rain. after listening for a moment i said, "someone should be dying to this music." it was a very lonely and heart-wrenching section of string music and i could easily visualize someone standing in the parking lot being gunned down in the rain.
"someone did die to this song," she said, which caught me off-guard. she added, "it's in a movie. 'platoon,' when willem dafoe's character dies. it's called 'adagio for strings', by samuel barber."
"shot down running after the helicopter, right?" she nodded. "good scene," i said as i put my cigarette out in the ashtray and treaded off to my car through the downpour.

it is, in fact, a great song to die to.

this gypsy life

2006-10-10T09:27:00.000-07:00

my life by residency up until now:
born: raleigh, north carolina - february, 1979.
moved to homestead, florida
moved to raleigh, nc
moved to homestead, fl
moved to raleigh, nc
moved to adak, alaska - house - kindergarten
adak, al - naval apartment
moved to raleigh, nc
moved to pensacola, fl - ugly green brick house - 1st grade
moved to virginia beach, virginia - townhouse - 2nd grade
virginia beach, va - house in rock creek - 3rd-7th grade
moved to raleigh, nc - apartment at pine winds - 7th-9th grade
moved to lawrenceville, georgia - house on meadow wood - 9th-12th grade
oakwood, ga - house with grandpa hc - 9 months
gainesville, ga - duplex on prior st - 3 months
gainesville, ga - master's commission apartment at the pines - 9 months
gainesville, ga - rented room on dogwood dr - 8 months
gainesville, ga - rented room on atlanta hwy - 2 months
gainesville, ga - one bedroom apartment on skyview dr - 12 months
gainesville, ga - apartment on whitmire dr - 18 months
gainesville, ga - apartment at caswyck on lanier - 12 months
lawrenceville, ga - one bedroom apartment on pine creek way - 2 years
gainesville, ga - hall county work release off candler hwy - 3 months
gainesville, ga - apartment with teresa at north pointe - 6 months
braselton, ga - rented room on braselton hwy - 3 months
gainesville, ga - apartment at mcever vineyards - 12 months
gainesville, ga - resigned lease for another twelve months

b'fast @ tiff's

2006-10-04T20:37:00.000-07:00

so i finally broke down and rented the much-adored classic film made even more eternal by that catchy song, "breakfast at tiffany's". i have to admit that i spent the whole first half of the movie expecting to see a coffee shop or bakery within the tiffany's. and yet there was none to be found. but the movie was still splendid and worth all of the praise. (even though the dvd i rented had the sound off by about two seconds for the first thirty minutes or so.) i have always thought audrey hepburn to be a beautiful woman but i'd only once seen her in film before today. she was a truly adorable actress. the movie, based on truman capote's novella by the same name, is not at all what i expected from a movie of that era. i've seen quite a few older movies but none that really had characters in such unglamorous lifestyles at the start of the film. paul (george peppard) is a writer who's afraid of the sophomore slump so he acts as a boy-toy for a wealthy married woman instead of writing. holly golightly (hepburn) was an aspiring actress who, upon entering new york years before, gave up the dream. she realised she could live as a socialite, jumping from one man to the next until she landed one of the top fifty wealthiest men in america for a husband, without ever actually having to work -- even as an actress. so she lives for herself and mooches off different men each week until she meets paul. but even then she cannot break apart from the parasitic creature she's become. and it goes from there. if you haven't seen it, go rent it today. if you've already seen it, go rent "funny face" -- it's the one with the dance number currently being used by 'the gap' to sell tiny black pants and next on my list of films to see.

for becca

2006-10-04T19:44:00.000-07:00

you know, becca if you want to see my face so badly you could just come back to georgia more often.

at last...

2006-09-29T12:19:00.000-07:00

...i have started reading a really good book that everyone else in the world has already read. i started "jonathan strange and mr. norrell" yesterday.
...laura, on of my servers, had her baby boy (parker john daniels) yesterday. she was due this past saturday. hey, frø, isn't "parker" a great name for a baby boy? so much cooler and hip than old "william."
...i have one day left of serving. starting monday morning, i'll be one of two managers running the biba's in gainesville. the new store opens in braleston in early november.
...i rented "breakfast at tiffany's" which for some unforgivable reason, i have never before seen.
...i finally broke down and bought a album for my photos so i can keep my stuff organised.
...i finished paying the irs what i owed them for last 2005. now, i have to start paying back the georgia department or revenue.
...i can wear jeans and a jacket without sweating again.
...i get to see my wee sis' in her debut theatrical performance. ah, the li'l tyke's taken after her big brother scøüpe. see you tonight.
...i have begun what may come to be known as my triumphant return to posting at large. now becca and chris can both stop their whimpering about my absence. seriously, crawdaddy, when was the last time you posted anything, eh?

"This above all: to thine own self be true" -- shakespeare

2006-08-28T16:56:00.001-07:00

the new film "accepted" deals with issues that most young people will be forced to face at one point or another. not just acceptance into a good college but acceptance of a different way of thinking. even given the financial advantages of going to an academic college directly out of high school, it's not the right choice for everyone. it's a problem i wrestled with during my junior and senior years of high school. i'd been conditioned all of my life to desire to attend college and believe that it was the right thing to do. yet, nearing the end of my junior year, i was no longer certain i believed all of the things i had been taught growing up -- especially college. i wanted an experience not a classroom. i wanted to follow my passion, not a textbook curriculum. as such, i looked into many different state colleges and a few out-of-state options trying to find one suitable for my goals. i found none. it wasn't the money that became the problem; i qualified for hope and even had a couple small scholarship offers. Lee university in tennessee was willing to pay my first year's tuition for me. but even the religious schools didn't offer what i desired. i was looking for hands-on ministry experience. i didn't know what i wanted to do for the rest of my life but i knew what i wanted for the immediate future. in the end i entered into a church internship program that lasted nine months. for the next five years i interned and worked at the church and earned an associates degree in biblical studies and leadership. was it the right choice for me? at the time i believed so. now i'm not so sure. they say hindsight is a great teacher and i agree but even hindsight is limited for now. even on my deathbed i may not be able to say with surety if i chose the better of the two options. but today and every day until my death i can say with a clear conscience that i chose for myself. i reviewed the options i had and listened to the advice of others but in the end i chose my own path. and while this path has given me many opportunities which i otherwise would never have had it has also left me with numerous regrets. do the gains outweigh the losses? i do not know. were the accomplishments i achieved worth the sacrifices i made? some days my response is an adamant "no". but i will never really know, will i? all we can do in life is that to which our conscience leads us at the moment.

2006-08-28T16:56:00.000-07:00

a quote for all times

2006-08-20T10:18:00.000-07:00

i have a theory: there is no situation nor comment in life that can not be properly responded to with a quote from shakespeare -- or even from a song or bit of poetry. if you look hard enough, there is a proper quote for every situation. a set of words that brings with it not only its immediate help and advice but in doing so brings such memories and reference that the origianl context of the words itself will likewise be of aide.

if at first you don't succeed...

2006-07-21T18:25:00.000-07:00

then try again. if you don't succeed the second time, then give up and try something else. that's one of masøn's rules for life. give it two attempts just to be sure but then drop it and move on to something else. i'm not saying to revel in failure or to give up easily -- those two attempts should have all your muster in them, otherwise they can't really be called attempts, can they? but if you're no good at something, try something else. why bother wasting time repeating the same failure? find something you're good at, stick with it and improve. then find something else you're good at and improve that, as well. why be content being a continual failure at one thing when you can be a success at many things?
at least, that's the way i see it.

a brave new blog

2006-07-12T11:05:00.000-07:00

to avoid crowding up the "lazy day café" with tedious reviews of movies and books i have created a new blog called "masøn's reviews" for just such a purpose. if you're interested, stop by -- the links in my list. feel free to comment or argue. just be careful reading the reviews if you haven't seen the film yet.

remembering the founders

2006-07-03T22:33:00.000-07:00

i think we should do more than cook out and drink for independence day this year. it's a special day and needs to be treated as such. therefore, i think we should honor the founding fathers by seeking to emulate their actions.
1) dress up as native americans and dump mass quantities of tea into the nearest body of water.
2) ride horses through random towns and shires screaming "the red coats are coming!" at the top of your lungs around two a.m.
3) throw rocks at any brits you might come across.
4) burn a few effigies of the british royal family.
5) in the midst of any crowd you may find yourself in today, stand upon a box or step of some sort and begin quoting patrick henry - if you cannot quote any large passages of his writings, simply lead the crowd in chanting "give me liberty or give me death! give me liberty or give me death".
6) replace your natural teeth with wooden dentures.
7) give a rising oratory about equal representation and civil liberties, then return home and beat a black man and tell him to get back to work picking that cotton and tobacco.
8) and, if you should run upon a frenchman, remember to thank him for his country's contribution in helping our country gain its independence.

happy 4th of july to all.

chicago

2006-06-27T23:04:00.000-07:00

if you didn't see it at the fabulous fox théåtre this past week, well, you should have.
the lead role (roxy hart) was played perfectly by michelle dejean - a beautiful mix of depravity, lust, ambition and cuteness. she moves seamlessly from adoring wife to hot-tempered villian, from sensual vixen to giggly schoolgirl. john o'hurley (elaine's boss from seinfeld) plays billy flynn and although i thought richard gere did an excellent job on film, o'hurley is the man for the stage. terra c. macleod does an strong turn as the jealous has-been, desperate to be back on top.
the numbers are strong, the choreography tight. my favourite number is still "mister cellophane", performed by kevin carolan as amos hart. and , of course, carol woods holds her own as "mama", (the cell block matron) in the role that put queen latifah back into the spotlight.
karen and i both enjoyed the show and the running in the rain before and after. the girl who covered my shift at biba's so i could see the show was more than a little upset when she found out why i couldn't work. i reassured her there would be two more shows on sunday and she and her mother were able to make the final atlanta show. otherwise, i think she would still hate me for not inviting her.

for anyone interested, "monty python's spamalot" will be showing at the end of this season in late february and early march.

"for the bible tells me so"

2006-05-29T23:48:00.000-07:00

"jesus loves me this i know/ for the bible tells me so...yes, jesus loves me/ for the bible tells me so."
i'm sorry, but that just isn't not good enough for me.

i grew up singing this song and thought of it as a wonderful little declaration of child-like faith. then one day, about five or six years ago it took on a new meaning to me. people all over the globe believe "because the bible tells them so". shouldn't there be more than that? if we're going to stake our lives and our eternity on a belief doesn't there have to be a better reasoning behind our point-of-view?
other peoples believe because the koran tells them so. or the pentateuch. or the apocryphah. or the book of mormon, or doctine and covenants. or the watchtower. just because it's written down doesn't make it truth. now, don't misunderstand me here. i believe. inherently and without a doubt i believe. but not simply because a book told me to do so. the bible, regardless of whether or not you credit it with any divine truth is a great guide to live by. jesus' teachings are still the highest moral standard set by anyone ever. i am discreditting the bible itself, i am questioning the veracity of those who only believe because they are told to do so by a book penned from four to two thousand years ago.

what is crazy?

2006-05-27T23:12:00.000-07:00

i once owned a 1979 monte carlo. it was two tones of green; one ugly, the other hideously ugly. when i bought the car, the radio didn't work; neither did the horn. every other day or so, though, i would start the engine and turn on the radio to see if anything had changed. every time i got the same result - a dead radio. one day, however, i indulged in my usual habit of turning the dial to 'on' after starting the ignition and i heard static. after fiddling with the dials i picked up an oldies rock station and every day thereafter, the radio worked.
now this was no miracle. as it turns out, i had had a problem with a turn signal or the dashboard lights or something and had searched for the cause until i found two burned-out fuses. so i replaced them both. it was the day before the radio started working. the solution had simply been a burned-out fuse but i never would have realised the radio was now operational had i not habitually checked to see if would one day miraculously come to life. a few days later, i realised my horn was working, as well.

they say the textbook definition of insanity is 'repeating the same action while expecting different results'. this doesn't work for me. suppose a man walks into a dark room and flips the light switch and the light comes on. so he flips the switch the other way and walks out of the room. then he walks back in and flips the switch again. the light, of course, comes back on. now, suppose he repeats this action over and over and over and each time the light comes on when he flips the switch. by definition, for him to expect any other result is insanity. but what about the one time weeks later when he walks into the room and the light doesn't come on in response to the switch being flipped? obviously, we all know that the bulb has burned out but the result has still dramatically changed.
so my question is this: was the man sane after all? or is insanity sometimes correct?

"do your duty..."

2006-05-16T07:58:00.000-07:00

so, i'm watching all the groundbreaking news this morning (ie, the daily show and colbert report) and i see this news clip on the report. they've taken a short segment from some real news show where the reporter is complaining that white babies are outnumbered by latino babies. this means that in the not-too-distant future, the population will shift to a latino majority. the reporter then said, "~so do your duty: make more babies~" (indirect quote). isn't that eerily familiar to a white supremicist attitude? i'm getting flashbacks from "gangs of new york" here, with bill the butcher (historically, there was such a man) trying to keep all the mics from coming over from ireland. and today the united states population has a very high percentage of scotch-irish.
i don't see how we, as a nation, can be so calloused to those seeking a better life in this nation. virtually all of our ancestors arrived here for exactly the same reason - unless, of course, your ancestors were brought in by the boatloads to work as slaves. or, i don't know, maybe your ancestors already lived here and had their land ripped from their grasps by the manifets destiny-believing 'new americans'. the mexican and american indian peoples were here first and our ancestors took this land from them by force. how can we now deny them the right to live on the land of their forefathers?

honestly, i can think of only one real precedent for the way the early americans treating this land native inhabitants. the bible. it's basically the same approach the israelites took againstthe canaanites. they believed that their god had told them to take the land of canaan away from its natural inhabitants by killing every single one of them. that was their solution - genocide. and all for the sake of the 'promised land'. they were promised land that already belonged to someone else. but just like manifest destiny centuries later, they believed their god had told them it was theirs to take. and since israel did so, their has not been a single year of peace in that land except under king solomon. even today, the conflict rages on due to the near-genocide and seizure of land thousands of years ago. is that really the history we americans are desperately seeking to follow? and the best part is that the bible only claims israel made one mistake in all of this bloodshed: the massacre wasn't complete, they failed to kill all of the canaanites.

the failures of a great man - abraham lincoln

2006-05-05T11:29:00.000-07:00

1831 - failed in business
1832 - defeated for legislature
1833 - failed in business again
1834 - elected to legislature !!!!!!!!!!!!
1835 - woman he loved died
1836 - suffered a nervous breakdown
1838 - defeated for speaker
1840 - defeated for elector
1843 - defeated for congress
1846 - elected for congress !!!!!!!!!!!!
1848 - defeated for congress again
1855 - defeated for senate
1856 - defeated for vice president
1858 - defeated for senate again
1860 - elected as president !!!!!!!!!!!!*

shit happens. life happens. what happens is not as important as how one reacts to what has happened. he must learn from his mistakes and keep going. or learn from his mistakes and begin going in a different direction. Build on your strengths.*
consider moses, gideon and paul the apostle. they would not seem to be the best choices for the roles god put them in. but he knew their strengths. if you believe god has a plan for your life, then look to these men and their transformation into the men god wanted them to become. it wasn't easy. god trained moses for eighty years to deliver his people out of captivity and when the time came, moses argued with god and made excuses about his inability to speak well. gideon asked god for at least two physical manifestations on god's part to prove that he had understood correctly. paul killed christians until he came face-to-face with a blinding light. and these are the men that the omniscient chose to lead his campaigns. who are we to argue the circumstances in which we find ourselves? could moses have led out the children of israel had he not been a shepherd for forty years? could paul have defended christ so effectively and without respect to his own life had he not been respnosible for the deaths of so many. guilt may not be the most noble attribute but it sure is one hell of a motivator.
"and we know thatall things work together for good to them that love the lord and who are called according to his purpose."**

* taken from "whose child is this" by bill wilson
** R0mans 8:28, kjv

foreplanning

2006-04-29T23:54:00.000-07:00

so is it sad that i'm already thinking through my halloween costume for this year? i usually toos around a few ideas on all hallow's for the next year's costume but i'm already formulating outfits for the festival that's still six months away. if only i could plan this far in advance for the things that really matter in life.

movies and scriptures...

2006-04-19T22:25:00.000-07:00

movie quote of retrospect:
"ain't no second chances in life. the only second chance is the chance to make the same mistake twice," from "state and main".

and if i had a second chance to make the same mistake again, i swear that i would do it again and enjoy every fucking moment of it. regret be damned. i'd rather regret what i did do than what i didn't do. on my death bed, come when it may, i do not want to lie there wishing i had taken that chance, asked her out, gone on that trip. even if that chance didn't work out or the girl left me for another girl or my car broke down on the way back from florida, i did what i did and i stayed true to my beliefs and my feelings. i had fun while doing it and in the end i was wiser than before. living isn't in the end, it's in the experience it takes getting there.
"a good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth," ecclesiastes 7:1.

uplifting quotation of the day

2006-04-10T23:42:00.000-07:00

"hope is a lying bitch," (the laughing corpse, by laurell k. hamilton).
it's amazing the level of clarity that comes from pessimistic realism. there are things worth hoping for and some that may even come to pass. but mostly there is disappointment when one gets his hopes up. why is that?
is it that life really is a sadistic persona who pleasures itself in our heart-wrenching disillusionment? or is it that we are hoping for those things that can are impossible and we should welcome the truth of such disillusionment and embrace the knowledge that the object of our hope was never meant to be? is disappointment inevitable or the sum of our habit of setting our sights upon those prizes which are out of reach? is being satisfied with the way things have turned out tranquil enlightenment or simply giving in - or up - too easily? is the content man strong for being able to accept his life as it is or weak for not trying harder to achieve and attain those things which he is without?

quotation of the day

2006-04-08T21:58:00.000-07:00

this one is good because it basically paraphrases so many conversations i've had with people who just cannot get me, you know?

Troy Dyer: You can't navigate me. I may do mean things, and I may hurt you, and I may run away without your permission, and you may hate me forever, and I know that scares the living shit outta you 'cause you know I'm the only real thing you got.
Lelaina: Yeah well that ain't real much.
(from "reality bites" [1994])

movie to rent this week

2006-04-04T21:46:00.000-07:00

if you haven't seen "derailed," you need to go rent it today. first, it's a great cast: clive owen, jennifer anniston and vincent cassel. x-zhibit and rza back them up with well-acted (if not type-cast) supporting roles. the storyline is well thought out with looming suspense and unexpected twists. yet, it leaves no loose ends or unanswered motives.
owen, having luckily avoided being cast as the next 007, proves that the character actor still lives, not a small man by any means and capable of roles as a ruthless bank robber ("inside man"), a celtic king ("king arthur") or a vengeful ex-gangster ("i'll sleep when i'm dead"), owen convinces the viewer that he is a weak, sniveling man with a broken spirit. cassel turns away from the prettyboy image of "ocean's twelve" to become a seedy criminal mastermind.
unlike many stories wherein the protaganist has an unexplained change of character, the script and owen's skill convince the viewer that the dynamic metamorphasis is not only justified but completely plausible.
all said and done, i loved this film.

2006-03-28T23:05:00.000-08:00

yeah. here it is, the photo that i spent twenty minutes trying to upload to my profile only to find out that it's over 50 kila-mega-somethings and it won't take. i did, however, manage to upload several photos from the past few years to my myspace account at http://www.myspace.com/scoupes_page. so if you like to fawn over images of me, go check it out. seriously , i know no one fawns over me but i am worshipped as a fertility god amoung the indigenous kiwi tribe of southeastern new zealand. seriously.

authors scøüpe likes

2006-03-28T10:26:00.000-08:00

inspired by all the posts everyone else has written recently, i decided to post my own reading list of the past few years. this is not to discredit all the other authors out there, living or dead, who have created great works of literature; it is merely a list of what i've been reading recently.
1) dean koontz - twlight eyes, the face, servants of twilight, frankenstein
2) alex garland - the beach, comatose, (screenplays for 28 days later, the beach)
3) david benioff - 25th hour, when the nines roll over, (screenplays for troy, 25th hour x-men 3)
4) douglas adams - hitchhiker's trilogy, dirk gently's holistic detective agency & long, dark teatime of the soul
5) laurell k. hamilton - anita blake: vampire hunter series
6) philip rosenberg - house of lords
7) joe connelly - bringing out the dead, crumbtown
8) barb & j.c. hendree - dhampir, thief of lives, sister of the dead
9) max alan collins - road to perdition, road to purgatory, road to paradise
10) frank miller - sin city graphic novels
11) victor hugo - les misérables, hunchback of notre dame
12) j.r.r. tolkien - hobbit, lord of the rings
13) william shakespeare - merchant of venice, hamlet
14) c.s. lewis - mere christianity, screwtape letters, great divorce

inevitability - 9 june2002

2006-03-26T10:54:00.000-08:00

falling to my death,
the rushing wind forces my head to turn.
on the horizon i see the sun emerging in the distance,
its rising mocking my fall.
i plummet closer to the earth but the sun lifts into the heavens
and floats freely across the sky.
its beauty makes me stop.
i forget my fall and impending death
and marvel at the brilliance of the sunstruck clouds,
highlights glinting in the morning light.
how long has it been since i sat on the beach
and watched her arise from the water
in peaceful serenity.
i forget my current dilemna,
my lack of control
and imposing end.
and find peace in my death,
tranquility in my own self-orchestrated demise.

i'm so going to buy this film

2006-03-25T22:07:00.000-08:00

for my second lone movie viewing this week, i watched "v for vendetta." based on a dc comics graphic novel and set in 2020 united kingdom, this movie absolutely kills "ultraviolet," which sucked. (for a complete review of how badly it sucked, scroll down.)
"v" was better written, better acted and better cast. natalie portman plays the heroine, evey hammond, who by coincidence falls into the company of a man named only as 'v'. v, who goes around in a guy fawkes mask for the entire film, is played by hugo weaving (aka, elron from "lotr," and agent smith from "the matrix"). he is reviving guy fawkes day - a november 5th holiday commemorating fawkes attempt to blow up the british parliament in the 1600's. fawkes was betrayed by his cohorts and subsequently thwarted, arrested and hanged. v decides that the only way to ignite change in the big brother-esque u.k. of the future is to succeed where fawkes failed approximately four hundred years earlier.
the movie gains reality points by showing opposing views to the violence and evey, herself, fluctuates between calling him vengeful, monstrous and completely insane. eventually, she begins to understand his views whether she agrees with him or not.
v seeks only to spark a catalyst for change, knowing that he alone cannot overthrow a government. he endeavors to inspire others with both the hope and the courage to decide their fate for themselves.
the film showcases a decent amount of violence and a few gallons of blood arcing through the air. v is more the antiheroic protaganist contrasted against the morality and conscience portrayed in evey. he is fueled by his belief of what is right but also by pure unadulterated vengeance. he kills, he soliloquies, he overuses alliteration. he beliefs violence may not solve the problems of his country but it can bring them to the surface where they must be met and dealt with.
beware, you may disagree with this film. but it is worth watching on many levels: as an action flick, as a political statement and as a morality check.
it gets scøüpe's seal of approval and reccomendation as a must-see. just try not to judge it before you actually give it a chance.

tribute to a friend

2006-03-23T23:20:00.000-08:00

my manager and i sat at the bar drinking captain and cokes and shooting jagermiester (sp?) until 1:30 am after work thursday night. we talked about everything possible from romantic relationships to music, from lost mother/son relationships to childhood memories, from middle-child syndrome to restaurant management. we finished work at about 11:30 and simply talked for the rest of the time. it's good to have someone who can listen to your problems without prejudice and give you the advice of a few extra years of experience. and it seems that one of my main relationship dilemnas is probably a non-issue now anyway,
hoorah for letting things work themselves out on their own.

save your money

2006-03-22T22:29:00.000-08:00

i had the night off and my original plans fell through so i ended up not going out to dinner with an old friend but instead taking a long walk through a cemetery alone. i don't say this to illicit sympathy; i actually enjoy exploring cemeteries alone or with company. though not as architecturally stunning as those in savannah, new york or new orleans, the one on jesse jewell parkway is interesting none-the-less. most georgia cemeteries i've been to are small sets of land beside a small church, normally in farther-north, north georgia. i found a group of mcdonalds (possible distant relatives?) and a group of prices (possibly related to g-pa h.c.? his family is from georgia, isn't it?).
anyway, then i went to see a movie by myself - also something i've known to do without remorse. unfortunately, the movie i desired, "v for vendetta" started about thirty minutes before i got to the théâtre. i opted for what i knew would be bad but i wanted to see anyway - "ultra-violet". with it's comic book beginnings and vague vampire references i had to see what the story was about even though i knew it would be a series of high-tech special effects and fancy costumes with poor dialogue and a weak storyline. and it stars milla jovavich, whose work i adore. (she's got those eyes, man.)
"bad" doesn't even begin to describe the series of dis-jointed, unmotivated fight scenes strewn together under the guise of an action flick. even jovavich couldn't save this picture. nothing was explained in any way. as such, the viewer is unable to process the movie through the filter of a separate world or universe in which this sort of thing is possible. the object of the film, the character's very conflict is unclear even at it's conclusion. the fight scenes were pathetic - a high school théâtre group could have contrived better choreography. outfits and coiffes randomly change color for no reason. advanced weaponry and technology is thrown about without regard to reality or at least a basic principle on which it is based. the protaganist's actions are ill-defined and out of the slight fraction of character revealed. and the love interest backstory appears out of nowhere and goes nowhere - the idea of emotion has barely registered in the viewer before it is replaced by violence and never heard from again.
in short, don't waste your money.
but do check out your local cemeteries. read the messages left about loved ones and check out the dates of the deceased. i saw one married couple separated by 25 years. the wife's head stone was crafted at the same time as her husband's but the death date was never filled in. it just has 19__ as the year. but by her birthdate, if she's still alive she'd be 165 years old. i wonder why hers was never finished or if she chose not to be buried by her husband. one may never know.

ideas for outings

2006-03-21T22:14:00.000-08:00

**jerry seinfeld is going to be at the Fox again (i saw him a few years ago - totally worth it) on april 15 @ 7pm.
**"rent" is coming to the Fox june 2-4. the apex of bohemian art (except, of course, "la bohème" on which "rent" is based....)
**"bodies...the exhibition" is currently showing at the atlanta civic center. real once-living human bodies preserved and turned into art.

all of these i want to see, so if anyone is interested, let me know. there seriously is a lot of art in this area that i constantly miss out on and i'm trying to change that.

the celtic cross

2006-03-18T23:47:00.000-08:00

the cross of st patrick was actually a tool he designed himself to witness to the tribes of ireland. the pagan tribes worshipped what they knew, which was nature. their most prominent religious symbol was a circle - in honor of the sun which gave life to all. rather than try to eradicate their ancestral religion, patrick decided to superimpose the christian cross over the pagan symbol for the sun. thus, he caught their attention rather than their disdain when approaching new tribes. he taught them not to worship the sun but he who created the sun. even in his conversion of an entire island, he understood the importance of respect and tolerance for the beliefs of others. this way he was able to incorporate christianity into their minds and hearts as the next step of understanding God rather than trying to erase all they knew and start from scratch.

top ten little-known foreign films

2006-03-18T11:39:00.000-08:00

in no particular order and excluding the popular ones:
1)malina
2)brotherhood of the wolf
3)amélie
4)midaq alley
5)the dreamers
6)chocolat
7)the swimming pool
8)romper-stomper
9)the last great wilderness
10)trainspotting

five rolls of yesterday

2006-03-16T11:48:00.000-08:00

so, i picked up five rolls of film from the camera shop today. in those five rolls are my sister's wedding, a trip to the zoo, teresa's last birthday party, our last trip together to savannah and random slices of the life she and i once had together.
it's been about six months and i still think about her everyday. i don't have enough experience in these matters to know if that will one day stop. i don't know if i want it to. i still think about two other females virtually everyday. not in a bad way. not out of depression or hurt or loneliness. i don't very often miss anyone. ever. these are the only three people i actually miss; maybe i will miss them forever.and maybe one day, teresa and i will talk again. maybe.
(at least, i'll actually get something scanned and onto my profile soon.)

this is just to say...

2006-03-16T09:47:00.000-08:00

today is one of the best days i've had in a really long time. that's all.

'losing my religion' - the view of scøüpe

2006-03-06T23:55:00.000-08:00

as a child, it is easy to believe. in truth, you want to believe and you have no real reason not to do so. of course, children have troubles and hardships and every child has his personal things which he must endure. but as a child, one doesn't question his beliefs at these trials so much as he clings to them. a death of someone close causes him to believe more in heaven because he's been taught that it exists and, as of yet, has no reason to question this theory. he wants to believe something good has happened.
as the child grows older, however, he experiences more and more hardships and calamities; he becomes more aware of the world around him. more aware of his own small world and the entirety of mankind. war and cops-and-robbers are no longer games but a cruel reality. cowboys-and-indians is no longer a backyard gunfight but the reality of the effect manifest destiny had the original inhabitants of two entire continents.
the child-like innocence of ignorance is gone, replaced by the true horrors of everyday life. the teenage years become a time of rebellion to authority and doing things in one's own way. breaking the lawbrings a thrill and rush of personal power. this same rebellion flows into the teenager's beliefs. things he was once forbidden now seem appealing and without danger. curiosity eats at him and he demands to know why these things are kept from him. he questions the very morals on which he was raised as he begins to realise that other have different and even contrary standards. this new knowledgedrives him to ponder his beliefs in whole and wonderif he has merely been duped by another childhood belief. the deity and doctrines which he was raised to follow and believe in - even shape his life around - begin to have the appearance of santa claus, the tooth fairy and the easter bunny. allwere ploys to keep children behaving as their parents wished.
thus, the child's rebellion slowly increases while he waits for something to prove him wrong, for his conscience to stand up and announce where the boundaries lie. he finds new pleasures and philosophies and wonders why his old morals were against something that feels so good and brings such pleasure and enlightenment to life.
he will still remember his old beliefs and will seek truth at some point, often returning to the institution which taught him these beliefs. this may be family, church, synagogue, temple or even school. but as he returns to re-evaluate his beliefs and his desires, he sees what he could not as a child.
hypocrisy is prevalent. the ideas taught as doctrine have no sacred writings to support them but are merely the opinions of those in control. priests molest young boys; pastors embezzle money or have affairs with other women; religious leaders have bastard children; national leaders have sexual scandals; sports players are tried and sometimes sent to prison; politicians accept bribes and focus on their opponents' mistakes rather than the issues. each and every leader, idol icon or hero for a child or teenager to look to as a mentor or influence in life is a fake, criminal or hypocrite. the teenager wants to be like none of these and therefore seeks to forge his own path, hoping he will not become that into which those before him have turned.
and in the end, we have the generations of the judges wherein "each man did as was right in his own eyes". unable to trust another's view of life, this child-turned-teenager-turned-adult lives according to his own conscience,following his own thoughts and opinion, using only his instinct and gut feeling as a guide through life in search of that which is true. will he become a healthy adult? that is still to be seen.
but this we know, no religion began with a book or bible of koran or any other sacred writings or teachings. each has begun in the heart of man. if truth were able to speak once to man's heart and show him the right way - however flawed that way and its followers may have become - she can do so again in the hearts and lives of individuals and in the heart of an entire people.
do not fear when a man wanders and seeks for what is right on his own for truth is not hiding; she longs to be found by all. any who truly seek truth shall find her and by this she will soread to all men.
these generations are not lost but have lost their faith. disillusionment is the best thing which could happen to a man with displaced faith. only when the illusions are removed and the façades seen through can a man truly begin to seek that which is true.

'faith is...' -- the view of scøüpe

2006-03-06T10:42:00.000-08:00

"now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (hebrews 11:1). belief is not faith. faith is that for which one chooses to hope. belief is that which one cannot deny. a man cannot choose to believe anything. either he believes it or not; either it is true to him or not - there is no choice involved.
i believe in gravity - not because i think it is a good idea to do so, nor because i wish it to be true. want and desire have no bearing on true belief. all that i have known and seen since birth support the idea of gravity and therefore i cannot consciously deny it. to all of my senses and through all of my experiences and by all of the knowledge i have gained in life it is true. therefore, i can do naught save to believe it to be so.
the same holds true for all my beliefs, though not all have been held since childhood. but did i not believe in gravity before i knew it as such? did i not learn as an infant that when i drop my rattle it will fall to the floor? did this phenomenon need a name or pedantic support which i could reference to strengthen my belief? no. but did that change the force of gravity or cause it to be any less true?
i believe in gravity because i cannot deny it. regardless of my faith or understanding thereof, it is. by this same design, i believe in God. because despite my lack of knowledge or faith (moreover, despite what knowledge i may have to the contrary), i cannot deny it. i believe because i am unable to not belief.

i tried but...

2006-03-05T22:09:00.000-08:00

i tried to post a photo that dad had emailed me. it was from 1999 but i thought it would work until i got something more recent. after a few tries to get it on my profile, i gave up. what the hell am i doing wrong with this thing? it cannot be as hard as i'm making it.
so if anyone is really desperate to see photos of me (or at least just slightly inclined, that will work, too) she (or he?) should tell me how because i think i missed that day of class.

slainté

2006-02-24T20:55:00.000-08:00

st patrick's day is nearly upon us. as such, i think i will make a few suggestions.
1) watch "boondock saints" - starring norman reedus, sean patrick flannery, willem dafoe and billy connelly. two irish immigrant brothers take on the russian and italian mobs in an effort to rid hell's kitchen of evil men.
2) drink guinness - if you've never tried one, you should even if just to be able to say that you have done so. it's thick and filling so don't plan on drinking more than two. and take your time, it's meant to be enjoyed, not hurried through like some domestic light piss-water beer.
3) drink an irish car bomb - half-glass of guinness with a layered shot of bailey's irish cream and jameson irish whiskey. drop the shot glass into the beer and chug it down. smooth and unbelievably great-tasting.
4) kiss at least one son or daughter or ireland.
5) learn an irish drinking song - such as, "when irish eyes are smiling," "oh, danny boy" or "i'll take the high road". (or the newer chumba wumba song "i get knocked down".)
6) reaquaint yourself with house of pain. just in case.
7) learn gælic - erin go bragh (ireland forever) or slainté (let's get drunk) will work for greetings, toasts and meaningful things to yell out at various random times during the night.
8) eat beef, potatoes and cabbage like any true irishman would. irish stew and reubens are good, too.
9) um, wear green.
10) be at paddy's irish pub at chateau élan on march 17th. festivities start at 4pm with traditional live irish music and food.

i was hoping for serenity...

2006-02-20T23:44:00.000-08:00

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile:

which sci-fi crew would

you best fit in?

Millennium Falcon (from Star Wars)

100%

Serenity (from Firefly)

75%

Galactica (from Battlestar: Galactica)

69%

SG-1 (from Stargate)

63%

Moya (from Farscape)

63%

Nebuchadnezzar (from The Matrix)

63%

Bebop (from Cowboy Bebop)

44%

Enterprise D (from Star Trek)

38%

Which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? v1.0
created with QuizFarm.com

speaking of marketing...

2006-02-20T11:12:00.000-08:00

did everyone catch what becca did? she saw that i was getting more new hits on my profile (up to 115, now) so she changed her photo to illicit new hits on her site!!! oh jealousy, thy name is woman.
(it is a nice picture, though; not quite revealing the face, just an attractive figure with a hat. very nice.)
and it worked! i checked her profile just to see if she had updated everything with, you know, new job information and such. nope. just a new photo.

rantings on the state of restaurants

2006-02-16T11:54:00.000-08:00

driving home from work last night, i stopped at a taco bell because it was open at 12:15 am. i ordered a chicken burrito and a seven-layer burrito. the drive-thru speaker lady says, "what kind of chicken burrito do you want?" with an air of annoyance.
"i'm sorry?" i respond confusedly.
"chicken supreme or grilled stuffed chicken. which one do you want?" she says with an attitude building up.
"supreme, i guess," i answer and then she tells me the total before i can say that i also wanted a soda.
all of my life i have ordered chicken burritos from taco bell and in twenty-seven years no-one has ever asked me what kind. what happened to the plain chicken burrito? did they take it off the menu? are my only choices the supreme or the grilled stuffed? and if so, shouldn't one of those be called just a chicken burrito? can you really label a product as the 'supreme' version if there isn't a base one to which it can be compared? shouldn't they just call the chicken burrito supreme a chicken burrito now?

and personally i blame 7/11 and starbuck's. 7/11 introduced the big gulp and that was the start of everything getting bigger and bigger to outrageous proportions. and starbuck's began the short, tall and grande method of naming product sizes. now, companies have not only focused on making everything bigger or more special than the original, but they have even deleted the originals.
at taco bell, i couldn't order a regular chicken burrito. at sonic the have three sizes of fries: regular, large and sonic size. shouldn't they be called small, medium and large like they once were?
fast food chains and gas staions are even selling 32, 44 and 64oz sodas. who needs that much of any liquid other than water?

thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's schtüff

2006-02-13T23:24:00.000-08:00

so i just glanced at becca's profile and saw that it had been viewed 472 times. this made me wonder two things:
first, why the hell is that information listed? i'm already looking at the profile, it's not like i need the something to convince me to do so. "oh, look. all the cool kids check out her profile, i guess i will, too."
second, how many proflile hits do i have?
the answer: 72.
yep, that's right. becca has been checked out exactly 400 times more than i have. isn't that like saying she's 5 times more popular than i am? or that in a crowd, 5 times more people would look at her than me?
this is so depressing.

random thoughts when time is short

2006-02-06T11:44:00.000-08:00

i'd like to announce that i think i may have found the perfect girl for whom i could fall in love -- ally sheady, as seen in "the breakfast club" (which i watched at around 2am last night). that is, of course, if she really actedjust like that in real life.
so if anyone knows a nice, young, neurotic girl with cleptomaniacal tendencies and an impulsive desire to lie with every word she utters, send her my way. and that habit of squeaking rather than actually speaking would be a plus.
the search is on; let me know when you find her.

for all of those who ask why - 22 october 2002

2006-02-02T01:13:00.000-08:00

it may not be good poetry but it's honest...

on my knees i waited for you
on sunday mornings i waited for you
friday nights i traded my plans for you
eighteen years and i postponed my life for you.

twenty-three years of opportunities are gone
twenty-three years and disillusionment has come
twenty-three years of providence is gone
twenty-three years and now antipathy has come.

do i follow teachings from yesterday
do i allow myself to stray
do i hold on to what i was taught to believe
or do i stand up and brush off my knees?

all my life kneeling
all my life praying
all my life seeking
all my life wasted?

on my knees i feel so small
on my knees i cannot see at all
on my knees i can no longer pray
on my knees i cannot stay.

22 october 2002

2006-02-02T00:49:00.000-08:00

i arrived home from an stressful night at work at about 1:00am. i decided to check my email and blog for the first time in about two weeks. i did the email first, then decided to catch up on everyone else's blogs before writing anything myself. now it's 3:55am and i cannot remember what i was going to say.
so i defer to something written a few years ago...

is this how you do it
beat me up if i don't go your way?
is this the tough love they speak of
turn your back if i glance the other way?

a word on johnny depp

2006-01-12T10:13:00.000-08:00

back in the late eighties or early nineties, depp and river phoenix were good friends. one night outside a club in l.a. (i think) river phoenix overdoses and dies, cutting short what could have become a life-long career in films. depp was at the same club that night. people wonder why he has eschewed his well-deserved fame for so long but i believe that is the reason. phoenix was about the same age and both were just starting out and depp saw his own death that night and refused to let his life end that way.
as such, he has chosen to stay away from traditional leading man roles in exchange for roles that are often weird ("edward scissorhands") or quirky ("benny and june") or dark ("the astronaut's wife"& "the secret window") or anti-heroic ("the ninth gate" & "pirates of the caribbean") or the occasional supporting cast role ("chocolat" & "the man who cried").
he is a great leading man but because of his role choices and acting style, he is also the best character actor alive today.

need a new profile

2006-01-11T22:43:00.000-08:00

so i finally my old profile _ the one describing the heart-wrenching demise of my late relationship with térèsa - but now i don't know what to put instead. everything i can think of about myself sounds lame.
as such, i am asking for suggestions from those who know me well or barely know me at all (the latter group may have better things to say about me) as to what my profile should be. you know, just in case one day someone new actually stumbles upon my little endeavor here.

"we can't all be butterflies..."

2006-01-10T21:50:00.000-08:00

most of the time when i cite this quote, no one gets the reference. maybe my siblings and father will, though. when we were kids, my mother had a refrigerator magnet with that saying and a picture of a grasshopper standing in front of the petals of a pretty flower, giving it the appearance of a butterfly.
we cannot always be what we want to be.
i cannot always be the man i would like to be.
on some issues, i can become the man i desire but on some things the best i can do is try my best and hope to achieve some of the attributes of that idealistic man.
-another favourite saying of mine is "if at first you don't succeed, give up and try something else."
we cannot always do what we want to do.
i can't do many things that i've tried. but there are so many things i can do. instead of focusing on my inabilities and seeking to improve what i'm not good at, i spend my time honing my skills and perfecting my talents and natural abilities.
bill wilson (senior pastor of metro ministries intl. in the bedford-stuyvesant area of brooklyn) is a skinny man about 55 years old. he's not that pretty to the eye, he can't sing, he can't dance, he can barely get his voice above a sandpaper rasp. he is also in charge of the largest sunday school program in the nation, reaching over 22,000 kids a week the last time i was there. he also speaks about focusing on your strengths and leaving your faults to fall in line afterward.
there are times to "try, try again" and there are times to "give up and try something else".

another top 5-ish list

2006-01-08T22:22:00.000-08:00

i think it's time for a top 5 list:
how about top five character actors:
1)johnny depp
2)brian cox
3)paul giamatti
4)steve buscemi
5)john tuturro
6)willem dafoe
7)milla jovavich
add-ons
8)john malchovich
9)christopher walken
10)alan rickman

the daily show

2006-01-04T22:29:00.000-08:00

i was just watching "the daily show with jon stewart" as he interviewed some guy named 'packer' (last name, that is) who wrote a book titled "assassin's gate: america in iraq". during the interview, stewart referenced 'star trek - part 2' (although, i think it was 3), 'star wars' andthe first week of freshman year in a college dormroom with a mini-fridge to describe the goings-on in iraq.

new year's plans (or 'entropy or providence?')

2006-01-02T10:35:00.000-08:00

chrissy - the girl i've been dating since early november - had never been to athens, even though she's lived in north georgia her entire life. i told her i would take her sometime and eventually we decided new year's eve would be her first adventure to the great city. she and i and a few friends planned to drive up, have fun and get a hotel room for the night.
though most of us had worked, we were all ready to leave except for one by ten o'clock. after everyone was ready - and we stopped for gas - we were on our way with a three-car caravan. then we hit a police roadblock just past jefferson (in arcade?) which took a few minutes. the plan was to check in at the reserved room before taking a cab downtown so no one had to drive after drinking. only we were running out of time and had to head straight downtown or miss midnight altogether.
so i lead them from gainesville to downtown athens, through the streets crowded with revelers and other drivers to the courthouse parking lot which only had parking spaces available on the top deck. we were driving as fast as safety and law would allow, counting down the final moments before midnight and hoping to get at least a drink ordered before the clock struck twelve.
but alas, we were late. as we got out of our cars the fireworks began. we had missed midnight by a matter of seconds but had an unhindered view as we stood atop the parking deck watching the fireworks.
not as planned, but not bad either.

carpe diem

2005-12-31T01:35:00.000-08:00

you know, despite having what is arguably the worst year of my life, i'm feeling allright. life is good. and i'm happier now than i was when i was spending all of my time and effort to make someone else happy.
seize the f*cking day.
i gave so much of myself to make her happy. but now that i'm free of her influence, i'm happy for the first time in quite a while. the only sad thing is that i didn't realise this until late last night as i sat on the steps outside my apartment smoking a cigarette all alone. that's when it occured to me that i am happy and life isn't that bad after all.

i don't belong here - 12 december 2002

2005-12-27T22:13:00.000-08:00

blow out your candle,
stop watching the road.
i told you before
this place is not my home.

i see you watching from the window
i know you're on the porch at night.
why can't you understand
this is your home and not mine?

so wipe away your tears
and stop your midnight prayers.
i'm gone and not returning
because i don't belong here.

enigma - 25 september 2002

2005-12-27T22:06:00.000-08:00

just as i begin to presume
thinkly arrogantly
that i have interpreted correctly
this puzzle left before me,
you change.
slip off
drift past
and float away
once again out of reach.
as i begin to believe
i have you caught
within my grasp
you twist
like the light of a prism
arcing upon a distant wall
and evade my touch.
you are my labrynth
my riddle
my maze
my enigma.

my favourite word

2005-12-25T09:34:00.000-08:00

entropy
- the irreversible tendency of a system, including the universe, toward increasing disorder; also, the final state predictable from this.
- from the greek <en-> in + <trepein> to turn.
(funk & wagnalls, standard desk dictionary, 1966)

excerpts from The Tragicall History of D. Faustus, by christopher marlowe; scene 14

2005-12-25T09:18:00.000-08:00

FaustusAh Faustus,
Now hast thou but one bare hour to live,
And then thou must be damned perpetually.

The stars move still, time runs, the clock will strike.
The devil will come, and Faustus must be damned.
O, I'll leap up to my God: who pulls me down?
See, see where Christ's blood streames in the firmament;
One drop would save my soule, half a drop, ah, my Christ!
Ah, rend not my heart for naming of my Christ,
Yet will I call on him.

Let Faustus live in hell a thousand years,
A hundred thousand, and at last be saved.
O, no end is limited to damned souls.

All beasts are happy, for when they die,
Their souls are soon dissolved in elements,
But mine must live still to be plagued in hell.

Curst be the parents that engendered me.
No, Faustus, curse thyself, curse Lucifer,
That hath deprived thee of the joys of heaven.

My God, my God, look not so fierce on me;
let me breathe a while;
Ugly hell gape not, come not Lucifer;
I'll burn my books! Ah, Mephistophilis.

group sex in canada

2005-12-21T13:54:00.000-08:00

i read this article today on msn.com detailing the trial against swingers' clubs in montreal. the case went to their supreme court and the court ruled in favour of the clubs, saying that they posed no threat to society. if you'd like to check out the article it's at http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10561253/
i wonder how long it'll be before we here about similar efforts to both establish and deter swingers' clubs in the states.

waiting -- 07 october 2005

2005-12-07T23:37:00.000-08:00

sitting in an uncomfortable chair
i flip through magazines
waiting.
someone find me a doctor,
a nurse, an intern;
someone to tell me what's wrong,
to give me a prognosis.
but don't make me sit here
waiting.
run some tests, look at charts,
tap my knee and take my pulse,
draw my blood, make me piss,
check my ears, eyes and throat.
so long as i'm not still here
waiting.
will i live or will i die?
should i lie down and take two pills
or sit down and compose my will?
give it to me straight, doc
tell me how long i have to live.
cause even dying is better
than
waiting.

you should've known -- 07 october 2005

2005-12-07T23:33:00.000-08:00

keep your excuses
forget your apologies
save your sweet good-byes

don't tell me you hate this
don't tell me you're sorry
don't tell me you wish i could stay

you made that choice
you made this happen
you made me want to leave

you shut me out
you shoved me away
you pushed me too far

now you must let me go.

dichotomy -- 05 october 2005

2005-12-07T23:29:00.000-08:00

i hate you again today
same as yesterday.
tomorrow i may love you
but i won't know until then.

my heart swells one hour
and withers the next.
full of blood for now
but soon you'll bleed me dry.

inconsistently you love me
constantly bringing pain.
my hopes are fleeting
despair will surely return.

i loved you again today
same as yesterday.
tomorrow i may leave you
but i won't know until then.

little bits of scøüpe

2005-11-28T16:12:00.000-08:00

pain is the reminder that i am still alive
for the dead feel no pain. -20 october 2005

happiness is having no commitments. -25 october 2005

if ignorance is bliss
then blondes must have one hell of a time. -25 october2005

god, now i know what obadiah felt like. -28 october 2005

this is the autumn of my betrayal and discontent.
winter, however, is looking pretty good. -28 november 2005

i provided the dates to detail the progression in random thought since the end of my nearly-three-year relationship on 10 october 2005. things could be worse.

wine cellars and such

2005-11-28T15:52:00.000-08:00

i'd just like to say that my uncle is cooler than yours.
seriously, he is. not only did he survive a construction accident which could have killed him; not only is he so good at stock trading of some sort that he doesn't even have to work; not only is he currently in vegas just for fun; not only has he skied in austria, attended the 2004 olympics in australia and drank italian wines in italy; not only does he have the freedom to play texas hold'em whenever he wants in two or three different states. he also has a wine cellar.
and not like a closet with a few bottles in it either - i'm talking about a veritable basement room with concrete walls surrounded by earth containing an entire wall's length shelving full of bottles from all parts of the world in every variety imaginable. why does he have all of this? because he enjoys having guests over and he wants them to enjoy themselves.
so like i said, my uncle is cooler than yours.
(and last i heard, my father was building a bar in his basement....)

all hallows' eve

2005-11-03T12:10:00.000-08:00

i must say that i love athens at halloween. it's the type of city where you feel out of place if you didn't dress up. i went halloween night and had a great time with my friend april potter who lives there. we hit about five (or was it six?) bars that night.
1) wild wings - for a rueben sandwich, a dark beer and a blonde french maid named jaclyn.
2) don't remember - for jager bombs, more dark beers and a drag show.
3) don't remember - for dark beer, a costume contest and a rodeo bull-riding girl dressed as a cop.
4) the globe - for dark wine and a quick hello to her friends.
5) some other place - for two games of pool and a few more beers.

i think that was all of them but i may have forgotten one still. unfortunately, my sister wussed out and didn't show.
by the way if you happen to see jaclyn at wild wings, tell her the guy in the kilt said hello.

obadiah...(i think)

2005-10-31T12:26:00.000-08:00

so i guess things could be worse. there is a story in the bible about a prophet - i think obadiah was his name - whom god told to marry a prostitute and love her regardless of her past. and he does. and eventually she leaves him and goes back to whoring herself out. and he goes after her and brings her back home to their family. i think things have worked out for the best.
i saw teresa at the halloween party saturday night and felt nothing toward her - no anger, no love, no regret, no jealousy. time does wonders for things. i've never held on to feelings for some one once we lost contact with each other. it's my natural way of doing things.

the only exception is celeste kish, of course. but i think we may all have known that already.

rules for life - rough draft

2005-10-21T09:19:00.000-07:00

1) F*ck the B*tch. (literally or metaphorically depending on the person and the timing).
2) Damn the man.
3) Golden Corollary I: assume others follow the golden rule. as such, do unto others as they do unto you because obviously that's what they want in return.
4) Golden Corollary II: do it to them first.
5) Get it while you can - Janis Joplin
6) Everyopne should have at least one vice.
7) All things in moderation - Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanac
8) Above all things, to thine own self be true - Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanac
9) To some rules, there are no exceptions.
10) If at first you don't succeed, give up and try something else.

taking life six months at a time

2005-10-16T11:34:00.000-07:00

so if anyone is wondering what's up with scøüpe, here it is. térèsa and i broke up last monday. the move to savannah has been post-poned and possibly canceled. i may still move somewhere sometime soon but for now i've sworn to work for crawdaddy for at least two months. and i'm looking for a one-bedroom loft apartment in the gainesville (possibly buford) area with a six month lease. now single, i can seek to achieve my long-sought dream of actually saving some of the money i earn.
on a side-note, térèsa and i are still talking and spending some time together. our longtime friendship may yet survive the wreckage of our recently ended relationship. (when you live like i do, four years is an extremely long friendship and one worth keeping -- even if it does hurt sometimes.)

diachotomy - 5 october 2005

2005-10-13T12:07:00.000-07:00

i hate you again today
same as yesterday.
tomorrow i may love you
but i won't know until then.

my heart swells one hour
and withers the next.
full of blood for now
but soon you'll bleed me dry.

inconsistently you love me
constantly bringing pain.
my hopes are fleeting
despair will surely return.

i loved you agian today
same as yesterday.
tomorrow i may leave you
but i won't know until then.

rain

2005-10-02T11:04:00.000-07:00

you haven't truly lived until you've sat on a bench in the rain for no reason.

evolution and such

2005-09-26T14:49:00.000-07:00

so there's this new museum opening up soon near cincinatti, i think. it's a museum of history through a 'biblical' perspective. the tours are going to show how man and dinosaurs lived together after the flood because noah took baby dinos on the ark and how tyrannosaurus rex was originally a gentle herbivore living in the garden of eden. true story here. it's in the front section of monday's atlanta journal/constitution - page A5, i think.

secrets

2005-09-24T13:54:00.000-07:00

so here it is, scøüpe's secret to a happy reltionship. it's something i took from the prologue to the great gatsby by f. scott fitzgerald. my copies are packed up already so the wording may be slightly off.

"then wear the gold hat
if that will move her
and if you can bounce,
bounce high for her too.
till she cry 'high-bouncing, gold-hatted lover,
i must have you!"

actually, fitzgerald was quoting someone from thomas d'invilliers, i think. either way the point is the same.

savannah

2005-09-24T13:53:00.000-07:00

scøüpe's first blog

2005-09-23T12:39:00.000-07:00

yeah, this is exactly what the title infers. seeing as this is the first entry, i guess the name should be addressed. 'lazy day café' is the name of a local beachside coffee shop in a story i'm working on. i like the alliteration of vowels in the name but it also refers to a enigmatic place outside the life of the toil and trouble of which we are all looking to escape. even if that escape is only long enough for a cup of coffee and a raspberry scone before diving head-first back into the turmoil of life. or, as it is for me today, long enough to add an entry to my newly created site before heading from one job to the next. life can get one down when it seems work is all you have time for; 'lazy day café' is my ideal entrepenuristic venture - a place to relax and forget about all your worries, even if it's only for five minutes.